An old post on ‘Little Reminders of Love‘ brought up a host of memories and emotions about Germany.
My comment : Awww, although an old post – I feel sad. Sad for you – Sad for me – this reminded of the day I left my little village next to Munich int. Airport – how terrified I was! Four children in tow, one suitcase each. Future unclear, Future so daunting. Its a week to go to the day 10 years ago and I’ve buried so much of it so deeply – I feel I’ve dealt with some of it, I’m a survivor – the kinda girl who ‘picks herself up, dusts herself off and gets on with doing what needs to be done; but the spin off is that there are years of ache, anger, frustration and disappointment, I simply keep on burying deeper and deeper.
Maybe its time to deal with it all – but I’m afraid it may destroy me. Just too much from before that I know will come up.
I have buried so much of the emotions, the pain, the terror, the hurt, the heartbreak so deep that it only peeps it out once in a while.
The look on my daughters face as we dug through our suitcases removing items we felt we could do without, because our luggage was overweight.
My husbands face as we sat in the diningroom and he tried to explain why it was happening, how heartbroken he was by his own actions and the decisions he made. All the promises made feel like a joke. He loved someone else enough to let us go.
My boys, young, sweet innocent and unaware of the dramatic changes that were about to happening in their lives.
His baba crying, short of begging and pleading for him to change to mind, heartbroken to be leaving her daddy behind. The one who suffered the most by all of this.
Me – just putting one foot in front of the other as I faced a great big daunting and terrifying future – going back ‘home’ with no job, no home, no idea what was going to happen.
But, I survived! We survived. Battered, bruised and scared – we stand. We move. We live. we laugh. We love.
My boys often reminisce about our early days back home. They appreciate the simplicity of how our lives were. Somewhere inside them, they have an appreciation for the little things in life. Its one of the many things I adore about them, their appreciation for how things were when we had the least.
The dream shattered, but through the broken pieces, I see who I’ve become, and I’m proud, amazed, awed – who knew that there was so much strength to be found in being shattered!
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